Sex has been described as one of the
activities that boost closeness in marriage, but the lack of it, or its
inadequacy, can equally be detrimental to the success of union.
This all-important activity is so vital
that marriage counsellors and psychologists often advise couples not to
joke with it, for the sake of keeping their homes together, even if they
have to prepare a timetable for it, so that the needs of both parties
can be well taken care of.
Meanwhile, sex is only good when the two
persons enjoyed the act and reached climax (ejaculation for men and
orgasm for women), but findings have shown that in most cases, men reach
orgasm in about 95 per cent of their sexual activities while about 25
per cent of women reach orgasm in their sexual encounters.
Mrs. Motun (surname withheld) is one of
such women who could count how many times she has reached orgasm on her
fingers; even with that, she won’t go far on the first five fingers.
“And you know the irony there, my
husband and I have sex at least thrice a week, but he’s the only one who
enjoys it,” she told our correspondent.
She continued, “Perhaps there is
something wrong somewhere. It has almost become a norm and it is an
issue you can’t talk to anyone about, so as not to be labelled as being
wild. After two to three minutes, my husband ejaculates and that is the
end. And the most annoying part is that he sleeps off shortly after. It
can be so annoying.
“Initially, I thought it was normal, but
while interacting with people, I found that a woman can also reach
orgasm. Maybe because I didn’t have experience about sex before I
married, so I didn’t know much about it. The situation has made me to
lose interest in sex because he puts me in the mood and leaves shortly
after.”
Out of frustration of being left hanging
after every sexual activity, Motun confronted her husband on the need
to satisfy her as well, but was shocked when her husband told her “I’m
trying my best.”
Mosun, a mother of one, is one out of
millions of women who rarely or never reach orgasm, as evidenced by the
responses of women who spoke to Saturday PUNCH. It wasn’t an
issue many of them were willing to talk about, because it is considered a
taboo for women to discuss such a topic in public, but those who spoke
to our correspondent expressed their frustration and more importantly,
the fact that they are helpless.
Even though reaching climax or not has
no impact on women’s ability to conceive, it has a lot of impact on how
much they enjoy sex.
It is therefore helpful to decipher why many women don’t reach orgasm.
Here is the reason. Men are able to
reach orgasm quickly because the nerves that trigger that intense
pleasure are located in the glans (the rounded part forming the head of
the penis), thus, its stimulation, usually through rubbing the vaginal
walls during intercourse, helps them to ejaculate in ‘record’ time.
But for women, those nerves that should
drive them to reach orgasm are not really in the vagina where they can
be stimulated during sex; they are located in the clitoris, which is
located at the anterior end of the vulva, or say towards the north
(upper) part of the vaginal opening.
Due to the location, the clitoris, which
is female’s most sensitive zone, is usually not directly stimulated by
the penis during intercourse. Thus, a large number of women are not able
to climax, even if the sexual act lasts for a longer time.
According to previous studies, sexual
activity is usually between 33 seconds and 13 minutes, and
understandably, some men could take longer before they ejaculate, but
regardless of the length of time, a number of women may still not reach
orgasm.
Therefore, it is for no hidden reason
that women who are unable to reach orgasm get to that destination when
their clitoris is stimulated by mere hand, simply because that is where
the nerves are.
According to a consultant
endocrinologist, Dr. Olamoyegun Michael, the primary reason women don’t
reach orgasm through penetrative sex is the inadequate stimulation of
the clitoris by the male organ during sex.
He said some women actually do reach
orgasm but that a significant percentage of women don’t reach that peak
and that it is as a product of so many factors. He said even among those
who claim to reach that level, some fake it to satisfy the man or not
to puncture his ego.
He added, “Clitoris is located at the
upper part of the vagina wall. And because of that location, penetrative
sex may not drive it to orgasm in some women, unless you use some other
means.
“However, some women can reach orgasm
through penetration, depending on the experience of both of them, how
roomy the woman is, how big the man is, the technique and some other
factors. So, it is not hidden that clitoris can affect their ability to
reach orgasm or its frequency.
“That is why in the olden days, when
women were circumcised, which is the removal of the clitoris, the belief
was that those who were not circumcised could be promiscuous, and that
goes to show that the clitoris is very sensitive and is important in
female sexual satisfaction.”
He explained further that the clitoris
can be likened to a man’s glans, noting that contrary to some beliefs,
clitoris does not grow with age. He said the clitoris only expands in
size when stimulated due to the increased blood flow.
He stated, “It is not that clitoris
grows with age and it doesn’t mean that the size of the clitoris in a
10-year-old is the same with that of a 35-year-old. No. It grows, but
that increase is related to stimulation.
“Just as it is in men, when the male
organ becomes more turgid during sexual intercourse due to the increased
blood flow, the same thing happens to the clitoris. When it is
stimulated, blood flow to that part increases and it expands the size,
length and its sensitivity. And the rate at which it will expand varies
from one person to another, just as some women release fluid in their
genitals after reaching orgasm while some don’t.”
Overall, Olamoyegun maintained that when
it comes to penetrative sex, the penis may not reach the clitoris well
enough, because of where it (clitoris) is located, but that through
other means, like manual stimulation, women may find it easy to reach
orgasm.
Notably, there are many routes to sexual
satisfaction (orgasm), including stimulation of nipples, the earlobes
and kissing. And once the woman’s erogenous zone is explored during that
activity, it takes them to that destination.
But given these options, some women
still do not reach orgasm. Olamoyegun explained that women who have
previously been sexually abused, or are being abused or maltreated by
their husbands may find it difficult to reach orgasm and those who are
frigid (inability of a female to respond to sexual stimulus) may find it
difficult to reach orgasm because of their past experience.
He noted that those who have worries,
challenges and those who have financial issues may also find it
difficult to climax because of their state of mind.
He added, “Some women are frigid and
such people are usually tensed. Thus, they don’t enjoy sex, let alone
have orgasm. That could be a product of previous sexual abuse or rape.
It is the same experience when the woman is being abused by the man. In
addition, there are other medical conditions that can cause it, like
diabetes, but there are drugs that can help that now.
“Then we have economic factor, which
also applies to men. When there is no money, sex might be the last thing
on his mind. So, for a woman too, if there are domestic or other issues
on her mind, sex might not appeal to her.”
(c) punch.
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Orgasm
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