11 signs you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can damage your soul. These are the signs you need to watch out for and get out before it's too late...

By Anuradha Varanasi  

The first thing that comes to mind about an abusive relationship is being subjected to beatings, verbal abuse and constant humiliation. Though your instincts constantly flash warning signs towards certain behaviours of your partner, you tend to ignore them because you console yourself with the fact that he hasn’t hit you or publicly humiliated you (yet). However, many of us are unaware about the fact that most signs of a highly abusive relationship are far more subtle than that.
Do not make the mistake of continuing to stay in the relationship if you notice any of these 11 signs or behavioural traits in your partner because such toxicity will only erode your self-esteem and confidence in the long run. In fact, even men can be victims of emotional abuse. It would be much more prudent if you try focusing on developing and pursuing your own academic or professional interests, instead of allowing someone to control your life and general well-being. Here’s what it’s like living in an abusive relationship.

1. He isolates you from your friends and loved ones
This is a standard move of an abusive partner. By isolating you from your friends and family, he can get the perfect opportunity to manipulate you and control other aspects of your life. If he constantly tells you not to discuss your relationship or any other issues the two of your might be facing, it is mainly because he doesn’t want a third party to point out that you’re being manipulated. Another reason is, he feels threatened by your relationship with your friends and loved ones.
2. He has severe jealousy issues
There is nothing endearing or cute about a jealous boyfriend. If he is almost constantly worried or paranoid about you talking to people from the opposite sex, it only means he is projecting his insecurities and control issues on you. If you continue staying in a relationship with an irrationally jealous person, it is only a matter of time before they unabashedly invade your privacy by going through your emails, instant messages and social media accounts.
3. He belittles you and your accomplishments
This behaviour is mainly exhibited by people who are dissatisfied with their own career and academic choices. If he mocks your degree or looks down upon your job, don’t brush it off by telling yourself that it was said in jest. It is a sign that he doesn’t respect you enough to support and encourage you professionally.
4. You feel like you’re ‘trapped’ in the relationship
It is only a matter of time before you will feel like there’s no way out from your relationship if your partner has a PhD in emotional manipulation. This is a huge red flag your instincts are flashing that it is time to walk away especially if you find yourself putting up with the same behaviours repeatedly even after you communicated with your partner that it is hurting you. It could be something as seemingly small or ‘trivial’ as inconsistencies in keeping promises or his word.
5. You constantly feel like it’s all your fault
This is a tell-tale sign of a manipulator. You will constantly find yourself apologizing for his irrational behaviour. Emotionally abusive partners will try their best to make you feel like whenever anything goes wrong in the relationship, it is your fault.
6. Frequent guilt trips
One of the reasons why people find it so difficult to walk out of an emotionally abusive relationship is because their partner has such a tight rein over their feelings and emotions. Once you allow them to gain complete control over your emotions, even initiating a breakup is an uphill task because he will always find a way to talk you out of it with false assurances and convince you that if you do certain things for him, things will be smooth sailing.
7. Refusal to communicate or listen to you
Have you repeatedly been in situations where you’ve waited for a call or message for several hours on end after he said he would do so at a specific time? There’s a high chance he is intentionally making you wait. The reason behind this is because he wants to keep you under close control and this is one way to do it since you’re left wondering why he never contacted you throughout the day.
8. He is dominating and invades your personal space
God forbid a heated argument breaks out, he won’t even think twice before locking the room/house door to prevent you from leaving unless you allow him to go on venting about an ‘issue’ he created. If he comes over to your place even after you repeatedly told him not to or lurks around your building premises forcing you to meet him, please be sure there is nothing romantic or cute about this kind of behaviour. It clearly means he doesn’t respect you or the boundaries set by you.
9. Constant phone calls and text messages
While he keeps you on a short lease by intentionally ignoring your call or messages when you need to talk, he makes the habit of repeatedly trying to contact you when you are out with your friends or family. This is because he’s trying to keep tabs of your whereabouts and activities. You will notice the incessant calling and messaging after informing him that you’re going out to meet your girlfriends or colleagues for drinks or dinner. This is  another sign of insecurity and controlling behaviour.
10. You have to deal with extreme mood swings
He can be extremely affectionate and loving one moment and then fly into an irrational rage the next. Anything you could say could make him angry even without any provocation. When you’re around him, you are constantly scared and feel like you’re walking on eggshells. .
11. He is passive aggressive
He refuses to show any sign of vulnerability and doesn’t openly discuss about what is bothering him. Instead, he will have episodes where he tends to sulk and cut off any form of communication until you ‘get the hint’. Any attempts you make to communicate is stone walled with a ‘Fine’ or ‘Whatever’. If he tends to behave passive aggressively on most occasions instead of trusting you with his issues, this is another sign of emotional abuse you shouldn’t ignore.